Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924.

Or click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. Also, if you want even less of us, we're on twitter, at WAIT WAIT, and I'm on twitter at Peter Sagal. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

JOE ELLERDSON: Hi, this is Joe in Vancouver, Washington.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in Vancouver, Washington?

ELLERDSON: Oh, a little rainy.

SAGAL: A little rainy. Now, Vancouver, Washington is not Vancouver, British Columbia.

ELLERDSON: That's correct.

SAGAL: Right. How are the two places different?

ELLERDSON: I think they're a lot bigger than us, but we were established first.

SAGAL: I see. Sue the bastards.

ELLERDSON: Exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Joe. It's nice to have you.

ELLERDSON: Thank you.

SAGAL: Now, Carl Kasell is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. Ready to go?

ELLERDSON: I'm ready.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: It is me and a ramen bowl only. So I've put in a dock for my phonely. Now dinner for one is a little more fun, with this screen I'm a little less?

ELLERDSON: Lonely.

SAGAL: Yes, lonely.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Nothing makes you feel lonelier than eating alone, except for, of course, eating a bowl of ramen noodles alone, which is where the new anti-loneliness ramen bowl comes in. It comes equipped with a holder slot for your Iphone, perfect for checking your email, face-timing and accidentally eating your iPhone.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: As I ogle young lasses in skirts, seeing London's top sights cannot hurt. See the Church of St. James and step up my game, the tour guide will teach me to?

ELLERDSON: Flirt.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Do you like seeing the sights? Very good, flirt.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Are you hopeless with the opposite sex? Try the Flirting Tour of London. For 40 bucks, you tour the city with a flirting expert and learn to put the moves on beguiling young strangers, such as the beefeaters at the Tower of London. They never go out with you, but they never reject you either, you know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Safe for practice. The tour comes with two options: the beginner's tour, which takes you around Covent Garden and the advanced tour, which gets you an STD.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: The orangutan here is a sly lad. He plays well with a tech toy that I had. He texts with short words and he plays Angry Birds. He spends his free time with an?

ELLERDSON: iPad.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The National Zoo in Washington, D.C. has given iPads to six of its orangutans who have learned to draw on them and play a variety of games, such as Smash the iPad on this Rock.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Try to eat the shards of iPad and smash what remains on a different rock. Zookeepers hope to teach them to social network with animals at other zoos, using Facetime or as the baboons call it Butt-Time.

(LAUGHTER)

MAZ JOBRANI: It's bad enough that we're obsessed and don't communicate with each other.

SAGAL: Yeah.

JOBRANI: Now we're trying to get animals to not talk.

SAGAL: Yeah.

JOBRANI: Geez.

SAGAL: That's really going to screw up our, like, mating in captivity program.

JOBRANI: Yeah.

AMY DICKINSON: I know, but if one of them ends up with more twitter followers than me, I'm going to be really pissed.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: I wonder if they have a ramen eater that they can put theirs on.

SAGAL: Yeah, I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Joe do on our quiz?

KASELL: Joe had three correct answers. So Joe, you win our prize. Congratulations.

SAGAL: Well done, Joe.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congratulations. Bye-bye.

ELLERDSON: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.